/gquit
I left my guild last week.
I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, but it’s still somewhat difficult, even after nearly a week. The guild I helped form, the guild I moved to a new realm with, the guild I watched grow and helped to nurture… yes, I left Summit and though I’m sorry to have had to do it, I find that so far, I don’t miss it. I’d like to explain what happened, because I need to get it all out, so this is likely to be long.
The Story
After some encouragement from the few friends I have in game, as well as my husband, who happens to be the Guild Leader, I signed up for Ulduar-10. I wanted to get back into raiding, but felt my gear was sub-par, so running the 10’s was, I believed, a good way to gear up a bit. I never wanted to be a burden to the raid. Summit has always run 10-man’s on the weekend, they’ve always been casual and always optional. They don’t yield DKP and we’ve never had a priority about it, it’s just sort of always been a toss the group together and hit the dungeon kind of thing. Ever since Kara, this is always how it’s been. People bring their alts to the 10-man runs. Our officers, including Loveth, have brought their alts to the 10-man Ulduar. This is an important point.
So I signed up, but expressed my understanding that I might not be chosen to go because I was “casual rank” and that that would be fine. My expectation was that I would either be added to the roster or told to go fish. Either way, it would have been fine. This is the point at which things go down hill. The raid leader, with whom I have never fully gotten along, and even less so lately, added me as a back-up. I was okay with it, but I asked if I was back-up because I was casual. It was simple clarification I was seeking. She confirmed that that was the case. Now, do keep in mind, this particular person is one of those who brought their alt to Ulduar-10 recently and now she’s placing me as back up because I’m casual. It’s a double standard.
I slept on it and decided that I didn’t want to take up the back-up spot because there might be raiders who wanted those spots, too, so I asked to be removed from the list. I admit, I did get a little snippy about it. I still feel like I was right to do so. After all, they were bringing their alts to Ulduar in previous weeks and now I’m being told I’ll get a spot if a raider doesn’t bother to show? It’s really nasty, if you ask me, especially having expressed that I might like to return to raiding, if my gear wasn’t so far behind. Another player, an officer, had recently taken more than 2 months off and when he came back he was dragged through Naxx-25 and geared up in a matter of weeks –an endeavor I gladly helped with, by the way. All I wanted was to go to Ulduar-10.
When I asked to be removed, the raid leader jumped my ass. She quoted me where I said I was okay being back-up and started in about how I was wrong. I don’t take being attacked well, so I said that I was okay with it, I had just changed my mind. I didn’t, and still don’t, understand how that’s a crime. She accused me of remembering past 10-man raid priorities wrong and said, “Of course raiders have priority.” Then, one of the other officers chimed in, as if the RL needed to be defended, accusing me of only saying I was okay with it so I could get benched and get angry about it. This is something I would never do. I’m a pretty straight forward person, I say what I mean, but I am opinionated.
My reaction to their accusations was hurt, plain and simple. They accused me of something I would not do, in order to make their point, with no support to back it up, they just kept quoting where I said I was okay with it, over and over. Yes, I had said I was okay either way, I meant that. I did not intend for things to get so out of hand. Sadly, they did because they wouldn’t let it drop. Me and the RL got into a huge fight, she accused me of all sorts of things, it would have been okay if it had just been her and me. Unfortunately, other guildies jumped in with things like, “I agree with El” just for the sake of saying so, adding nothing to the conversation, which just escalated the issue until it reached a breaking point so deep that nothing can, or will, ever be able to repair it.
The Sub-Plot
All of this being bad enough, I found out that she went to the officer forum, asking Loveth (my husband) to side with her and “fix me,” expressing her love and respect for him, but saying she couldn’t handle me anymore. In my opinion, this is wrong. First, for her to drag him into it, when I wasn’t, was not fair to him. Second, he doesn’t always take my side, he’s very objective, even when it hurts me. Finally, there’s no reason she should have thought that my husband would side with her, when he wasn’t even siding with me. This caused a few problems for us, I won’t lie. I felt, and still feel, like he should have expressed to her that it was inappropriate to go to him expecting help to deal with me. I also feel like to take it to the officer forum, where I was completely unable to defend myself, and bash me, is inappropriate. It’s not unexpected, it’s not the first time, but it is inappropriate.
The /gquit
Things went down hill fast. I felt backed into a corner, she just kept kicking me, she recruited others to kick me, then the other officers chimed in. I’m not faultless in all this, I bit back, I took digs, and I said things I probably shouldn’t have, but things that needed to be said. What I didn’t do is say everything I wanted to say, which is my biggest regret. Either way, I didn’t feel like my place was in Summit anymore, so I gquit.
The Aftermath
Apparently, my quitting wasn’t good enough to stop the verbal bashing on the forums. She kept up, then she tried to make herself a martyr by saying she’s leaving in a few weeks and that I could live my little life in Summit happily without her. I told her I wouldn’t miss her. I wasn’t a lie. She’s always treated me badly, to down right ignoring me when I speak to her, and people like that are the ones you’re glad to bid farewell. She was wrong, though, I won’t be living my life happily in Summit without her, she made sure I was gone before she was. The RL even deleted me from the DKP roster before I had been gone 6 hours.
I will never go back to Summit.
Honestly, since I left, only 3 people still guilded with Summit have even spoken to me at all. Eris, Larthin, and Namii. I love them a little more for it. I’m just somewhat sad to see that others didn’t consider me friend enough to still say hello from time to time, even after all these years together. It really hits home that this is a game and that most “friends” in the game are just pixels who really could care less about what happens to you.
The Sad Ending
For me, the saddest part to this little tale, one that I’m still really confused about, is the side-swipe. That’s what I’m calling it, mostly because like being side-swiped, I was was taken completely off guard. One of the other officers, one for whom I have always had the utmost respect, chimed in and accused me of things that I simply never said. She said that all I had been doing since coming back to the game is complaining about how things had changed and the guild sucked. I would never, ever, ever say anything like that in game to the guild. She tried to say I was blaming it on the RL, which is something I never even inferred. I’ve never expressed my unhappiness with the guild, except to one or two people, but neither of them would have said anything like that. I was, and still am, dumbfounded. I can’t believe she thinks so little of me. She came back, when I said I had no idea what on earth she was talking about, saying that she remember it. She’s persecuting me based upon her memory of things that never happened. At the very most, I may have said that there were a lot of different people in the guild since I had last logged on, but I didn’t then, and still don’t, think that’s a negative point.
She was really, really mean. It still to this second bothers me that she thinks so little of me. This is something I really think I need to express here. I’m really hurt by this, more than anything else, because I’ve always liked and respected her. I always believed she liked and respected me, too. It’s the ones about which you are most wrong that hurt most deeply, I think.
I’m not ashamed to admit I cried. Not about leaving Summit, that was coming, but about the circumstances. I cried for a whole day. Every time I thought about what that one officer I respected said, about what she thinks of me, I cried. I guess sometimes you have to, but I’m usually just not a crier.
All of this, all this hurt over Ulduar-10, to which they take their alts.
The Lack of Evidence
I went back to the guild website, looking for the thread so I could quote from it, but it’s gone. It had been the Ulduar-10 sign-up thread, but they separated it into it’s own thread, which they jokingly named “ZOMG DRAMAZ” at my expense. They’ve since deleted it, so there can be no quotes here. I’m sorry. I would really have liked to quote from it to back my story.
I just want to reiterate, one final time, that I am not faultless in all this. I did my fair share of biting. I helped contribute to my circumstances. I just feel like this could have been handled better by everyone, including me. I also feel like the amount of inequity in Summit has reached a boiling point when officers are taking their alts to Ulduar-10, but telling casuals they come behind raiders.
The End
I told you it would be long, and if you’re still here and read it all, I appreciate it. I really, really appreciate it. I needed to get this out. I want to write soon about all the good things that have happened to me since going solo, but this had to come first.
Thank you for listening, it means more to me than you could know.
…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Maeleigh
shoulder <– feel free to cry
Gnomeaggedon´s last blog ..Gnome weekend that was: UnderGnomed is Over Powered
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Mae Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 12:35 am
/hugs to the gnome! Thank you, thank means a lot to me.
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I am sorry to hear that the home you have gone to for so long made you want to run away! Why people think they can act so much worse to another in a video game as opposed to real life is mind boggling. Momma always said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” and ,”Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Goodness knows some of these people needed a momma like mine to back that up with a switch
shawndra´s last blog ..Where’s The Cake?
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Mae Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I couldn’t agree with you more. The thought of these people being switched makes me giggle with glee.
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After realizing that there was a mistake made on both sides, I decided not to let it change my opinion on the overall character of those involved. I may talk to Raug and Dun about it, but Elly I’m still wary of. Part of me likes her, but a stronger part of me has always feared her.
“Zomg dramaz” was incredibly disrespectful to all involved, and downplayed everyone’s opinions as squabble.
Inviting your own husband to the situation was some kind of god-awful idea.
And lastly, I’m to blame too.
—
I truly think that I was the one who started the breaking point. I mistake Elly’s one-word answers a lot of the time to be dismissive. I took that as “Hey, you’re not important” to one of my dearest friends, and I showed my fangs and claws, and took a swipe.
But like a little kitten that poofs her tail, no one really thought of me as a threat.
I think though that that changed the entire tone of the thread. I truly and honestly believe that subconsciously they judged you on the hostility that I showed.
And for that, I am sorry.
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Mae Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
It’s not your fault, Eris. The fault lies with El and me, Raug and Dun. You’re not to blame in this. I don’t want you to feel bad about it. I also don’t know if it’s a good idea to say anything to Raug & Dun, they think what they think and that’s not going to change. It hurts, a lot, but it’s the way it is.
As for El, I’ve heard that from a lot of people. There are a lot of people with mixed feelings about her. Mine aren’t mixed, but I’m sure you know that. Though, there are a lot of reasons… some I’ve stated here, some not. I find her to be very dismissive, too, it’s not just you. She comes off as thinking she’s better than everyone else, which bothers me. If she’s so much better, why be guilded with us… well, y’all now? Anyway, it’s not my problem anymore, but I still feel for everyone who does have to deal with her attitude.
It’s not your fault, no need to apologize.
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Eris Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
i can has talk to you in game yes?
Eris´s last blog ..Y U DO DAT?!
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As a GM who’s girlfriend plays I feel bad for you and your husband’s predicament.
One thing jumped out at me though. You haven’t mentioned what you’re going to do now. Are you still going to play? What is your husband going to do, if anything?
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Mae Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I know that I didn’t say, but I am still playing. I’ve been playing solo, no raiding or dungeons for me. I’ve just been running around Azeroth, doing dailies, getting my a lot of achievements done. I’m having a good time being solo for once. I got a ginvite but I declined it. I feel like I need to be solo for a while.
As for my husband, he’ll go on being the GL of Summit. He’s very objective, I think he handled it well. I am a bit hurt about all of it, but it’s something I’m dealing with. I do have a few issues, things I’d like to discuss with him, but don’t know how or haven’t gotten to it yet. His status as GL won’t change any time soon, I’m sure. He’s good at it, I wouldn’t want him to have to change because I couldn’t get along with some of the guildies. Although, for me, the biggest problem is the officers ganging up and then talking about it behind my back. That was tough.
How would you handle it, just out of curiosity? I always like to have the opinion of others.
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Race Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 6:36 am
First and foremost I’d make sure that I had a long heart to heart with my girlfriend. Stuff like this can fester and its important for both people to get everything out in the open before any real attempt at getting on with things can occur.
From your perspective I’d do pretty much what you’re doing. Lay low, so some solo stuff and try and enjoy the game. What you do after that depends on what level of involvement you enjoy. If that’s really all you want to do, then maybe finding a smaller guild is the way to go. Do some five mans, chat etc.
I do want to make an observation as a complete outsider. Officers -have- to talk about this stuff. While it may be perceived to you as ‘talking behind your back’ what is probably happening is the officers huddling up and trying to prevent a major crisis. Look at it from their view: as officers they are more deeply invested in this game than your average player. The GL’s wife just quit. How is that going to affect their play experience? Discussing it amongst themselves is their way of reassuring themselves, and then the raid team that everything’s going to be OK.
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Mae Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:38 am
I really appreciate the insight, Race.
I use to be a raider. I was at every raid from Kara all the way to Naxx-25 and everything in between. I also use to be an officer. Then, my real life interjected and made it impossible for me to go on raiding. I had things I needed to take care of. I was going to go back to raiding at the end of the summer, but things blew up.
For now, my enjoyment is in logging on and being free to do what I like. To fish, which is my latest thing, or to do dailies. I might take your advice and find a smaller guild, but I don’t have a lot of experience with guilds. I’ve been playing WoW for more than 4 years and I’ve been in 3 guilds. I’m one who’s in it for the long haul.
About your observation about the officers, normally, I agree with you. Unfortunately, the talk about me in the officer thread started before I gquit. The RL was asking the GL (my husband) to go to bat for her and “fix me” (her words). The thread wasn’t productive discussion, which I would have understood. It was just mean, stuff like, “fix her, I can’t deal with her anymore” which is silly because the person asking him to fix me is someone whose attitude a lot of people have trouble dealing with.
Thank you again for your honesty, I truly appreciate it.
Wow Mae. Just wow…
Before that thread got zapped, I felt I HAD to chime in on that. I have been with Summit for so long and to be honest with you, I had felt I had read it all before. That RL’s outbursts seem to be somewhat routine and frankly I was just sick of it. So I spelled it out for her – Y-O-U A-R-E A B-U-L-L-Y. It’s harsh yes, but some things just need to be said. I just want to have fun in game. Is that such a crime? No single person has the right to mitigate another players experience in Azeroth. RL or not.
For that RL to attempt to drive a wedge between you and the GM (your husband at last check) is frankly despicable but THAT is none of my business and should be handled personally.
I truly hope I didn’t make matters worse but it was something that I (as a former raider) had to get off my chest.
Now for my rant on you – You said “Honestly, since I left, only 3 people still guilded with Summit have even spoken to me at all. Eris, Larthin, and Namii.”
What? No Aurendar? I WUVS YOU!! and have spoken with you (although not in game
Just given you a hard time hun! Come back to BWR and we’ll get Summit-BWR rolling again!
Keep playin Mae! After running solo, I’ve found that there is so much fun to be had in this wonderful game and that raiding is just a tiny aspect of the overall experience!
Love you BUNCHES!
Aur
Aurendar´s last blog ..Confessions of a WoWNerd
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Eris Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
PPPFFFFFFFFTTT!!!!
She said those that were still guilded with the same guild.
Noob.
.
.
.
.
.
ilu Aur >.> /runoff
Eris´s last blog ..Y U DO DAT?!
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Aurendar Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
/CRY!!!
Aur’s alter-ego (Aurendar v2.0) still lurks in the dark shadows of Summit’s greatness (My lowly casual). Although I haven’t been on since the outburst. It’s very possible she’s wandering Zangarmarsh all alone and unguilded!
Aurendar´s last blog ..Confessions of a WoWNerd
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Mae Reply:
July 14th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I heart you, Aur!! I totally didn’t remember your alt in Summit. I beg your forgiveness. You’re on the list, of course. We chat all the time.
All in all, I agree with you, she is a bully! I’ll be glad when she’s gone, I have a few issues there. There’re still some things I need to work out. I’m getting around to it.
Thanks for being so awesome, Aur.
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Despite the latency of this response, you have my support. Drama sucks, regardless of who starts or prolongs it. You’re a great person based on what I’ve read so far about you, and you certainly don’t deserve what you say you’ve received. All the best!
krizzlybear´s last blog ..The Fantabulous Contraptions of Krizzy Krizzleswitch
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Mae Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Thanks, Krizzly.
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It’s like I always say: raiding is overated. Drama is why I got out of the raiding game to begin with and why I still refuse it now. You have my support. Even if you had been wrong, I’d have your back because you are one of my oldest and dearest friends in this game and are surely not just pixels to me. Good riddance, I say, you are better off without the drama.
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Mae Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
I agree with you! Since leaving Summit, I’ve been having such a great time in game. No expectations, just fun. It’s hard, all the drama, especially because I think it was coming for a while. Things just blew up and I should have expected it, but I didn’t. I feel a bit foolish, honestly.
I know if anyone understands how I feel about the drama, you do. Your friendship and support mean a lot to me Kristine!
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